Star Struck!

PUTTING the ‘horror’ into your ‘scope’, semi-professional astrologer and amateur bullfighter Sir Elderflower gently caresses his crystal ball in the hope of foretelling what the alignment of the heavens portend for our readers in this month’s installment of STAR STRUCK!  

Aries

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. And it’s called the pollen count you fool! Why else do you think you’ve got a hooter like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and your eyes are streaming like Niagara falls. But cheer up my poor afflicted Aries, because this month a little wrinkled pixie from the uncharted forests beyond the eastern shore will pay you a surprise visit, and if you answer his many riddles satisfactorily, he will yield unto you the ancient secret that will prevent ye olde hay fever from being thou continual plague of thy summer months. Nuff said sweetheart. 

Taurus 

It’s all issues and tissues with you this month isn’t it Taurus. But like my old comrade Mr T once growled at me like the demented dog he is, “Give me an issue and I’ll give you a tissue, and you can wipe my butt with it fool!’ I realise such hot-headed advice is perhaps unwelcome by someone who is in such an emotionally insecure place right now. But really you old tart! It’s time to mop up that festering pool of paranoia and self-pity that has left an unsightly stain on your best friend's brand new oak-effect laminate flooring and grow a backbone. Tough words honey, but it’s a tough world. 

Gemini

Dear God Gemini, it seems this month you have as many faces as a schizophrenic clock. But dare I ask which one of them is the real you? As you read these words I can just visualise your glassy eyes filling with the spite and poison of an amateur illusionist whose ruse has finally been rumbled, my little mercurial mare. Oh but how you do love to see the world as a great stage where you have a myriad of many colourful and flattering roles to fill. Yet be warned Gemini, when you play a part for so long it eventually plays you. 

Cancer

Like an obese little red-cheeked fool with their face pressed tight against the pie shop window, it’s never that healthy always being on the outside looking in. You know this better than most Cancer, and that is why this month you must make more of an effort to throw yourself into the heart of any social engagement that comes a’ calling. My old mucker Patrick Swayze once said, “Nobody puts baby in the corner!” With this is mind I think it’s high time you put your well-used copy of Dirty Dancing back into its case and started to do the fox-trot with a dance partner called ‘reality’. 

Leo

Take a look out the window Leo. Do you like what you see. A dismal back alley, sprinkled with dog turds of all shapes and sizes, liberally discarded fag ends, half-eaten takeaways, abandoned cars and a drunkard’s vomit is a far cry from your recent sun-kissed holiday in St Lucia. It really was divine lying like a lizard on those golden sands beneath the azure blue skies of that Caribbean Island wasn’t it? But my dear Lion you are living in the paradise of the fool if you believe that sort of thing can last forever. It’s time to wake up and smell the instant coffee. The holiday’s over and it’s back to the office on Monday where they’ve all been talking about you for the last fortnight. ‘Say it how you see it’ is the best advice I can offer you this month.  

Virgo 

Fickle friends are fair-weather friends Virgo, and fair-weather friends are no friends at all. Yet sometimes there the only friends you have aren’t they Virgo? No-one wants to be known as a Billy-no-mates love, but trying to buy friendship is never a good idea. I suggest you invest in yourself this month Virgo and learn a new skill or acquire a new talent. In my experience fire-eating, sumo-wrestling, or perhaps even bull fighting can instill a strong sense of purpose and confidence in a natural-born doormat such as yourself. Remember Virgo, it’s better to be a king for a day than a fool for a lifetime. 

Libra

The grass is always greener on the other side Libra, but was it really necessary to pour petrol on your neighbour’s lawn and set fire to it just because their roses quite literally put you piddling-poor efforts in the shade. Beware of the green-eyed monster this month my jealous Libra. You are in danger of being consumed by your efforts in trying to ‘keep up with the Joness. I suggest you try some meditation whilst listening to that NIck Berry classic ‘Every Loser Wins,’ the next time you feel the burning rage of the inadequate and dispossessed sweep you away in all its hellish glory.

Scorpio

The devil always collects Scorpio, and this month you’re writing cheques your mouth, as big as it is, can’t cash. What to do? If you can’t bluff your way out of your current situation, I suggest you wash your hands of everything and charter a private plane down to Acapulco. I hear the living is good down there this time of year, for a man with a suitcase full of counterfeit notes, a fake passport, and a brilliantly creative and ingeniously fraudulent life story. Let your hair down for a bit, before you move on to your next scam. You deserve a well-earned break from the cut and thrust of the rat-race. 

Sagittarius 

Every rose has its thorn Sagittarius my sweet, so the trick is to not eat too many of them. Leeks are apparently quite good for you but then I wouldn’t know. The point is that a little bit of what you fancy can sometimes be more trouble than it’s worth. This month I would keep caution very much on your side instead of throwing it to the wind my little pet. When you run with the bulls you get the horns, and if you’ve ever seen a matador impaled by a half-crazed and rampaging beast focused on nothing else but ripping the guts right out of it’s prancing tormenters, then you would think twice before saying ‘yes’ to any novel opportunities that present themselves this month. 

Capricorn

Beggars can’t be choosers Capricorn. So when someone offers you some good advice this month, I suggest you ruddy well take it. The truth can often be as plain as a pikestaff, but sometimes, metaphorically speaking,  it takes a person with a big stick to repeatedly hit you over the head before you see sense. We’re all in the gutter Capricorn, but some of us are looking up at the stars. They’re quite bright aren’t they. Well just remember you old goat, all that glitters is not gold and no-one likes a a know it all. Think carefully the next time you want to disagree with someone this month and ask yourself the following question, “Perhaps it is I who am the idiot?”

Aquarius

As you gently tiptoe through the tulips this month Aquarius, have a word will you. 

You’re a bit old for this kind of nonsense now, no matter what lotion or potion you have chosen to enhance your mental state this month. You’ve been living somewhere over the rainbow for far too long, And your pot of gold is running awfully low isn’t it dear. You’ve outstayed your welcome in the land of make believe and even the munchkins have turned on you. It’s time to take off those red heels fella, you’re fooling no-one. I suggest this month you follow the yellow brick road all the way back to your day-job and try to get a little bit of normality back into your farcical existence. 

Pisces

Do you know Pisces my fruity little fish, a call centre worker once said to me in between mouthful after mouthful of steak bake, “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!” Obviously this cretin had never tasted the sheer unbridled abandon of putting a brick through the window of their local job centre. Have you I wonder Pisces? It may not secure you gainful employment but it’ll certainly be a fine release for all that pent-up frustration that’s been eating you up of late. Every bull needs a red flag my dear, now this month I suggest you find yours. Now get your head down and charge. 

Happy 60th Mr Blair: A message For You Tony

Congratulations Tony you old dog. It was your 60th birthday earlier this month. No doubt time to take stock and reflect upon your life to date. And what a life it’s been! Let’s take a look at some of your best bits. 

You’ve been called a lot of things in your time haven’t you Tony? “Morally inert”, a “Bare-faced liar”, “Smarm incarnate”, “Sanctimonious snake” and  a common “War criminal” are just a few of the more charitable insults that have been slung your way. 

But just you remember Tony, sticks and stones may break your bones but name can never hurt you. However, missiles, bombs and bullets can - just ask the people of Iraq and the soldiers who fought there.

It’s a big thing to invade another country, and not a decision to be taken lightly. But all these years later, do your hands still feel clean Tony? Does it feel as if there’s any blood on them? Perhaps you sleep easy at night with the solace that you saved more lives than were lost if Saddam Hussein had been left to rule the roost? 

It was so different and so much more clear-cut  back in 2003 wasn’t it Tony? You and Bush demanded a war and so did the majority of the UK. Or at least that’s what the 175 editors of Rupert Murdoch’s papers were hell bent on telling us that’s what we wanted. 

Do you remember Rupert Tony? He’s had a tough time of late. Or as tough as it gets for fabulously rich media moguls. Still, Adolph knew it and so did you - he who controls the press controls the people. And it must have been awful nice to have had Rupert the Blair on side. 

Perhaps as you blow out all 60 of the candles on your birthday cake today Tony you’ll cast one beady eye back to the events of 2003 and recall the bright unholy glare of those 1.9 metric tonnes of depleted uranium ammunition that was used by UK forces in the Iraq war, and in a moment of Dod forsaken clarity cry, “Oh my God! What we did was illegal and morally bankrupt!” I wouldn’t bank on it though. 

Talking of bankers. They’ve led us on a right old merry dance since your were last in power haven’t they Tony? Your birthday fell on a bank holiday this year dear, but money never sleeps does it Tony. At least not on your watch.

Your “New Capitalism” and “New Labour” heralded a complete feeding frenzy at the trough didn’t they Tony. Finally, rampant capitalism and personal greed were liberated from the shackles of regulation and old fashioned concepts such as ‘society’ and ‘moderation’. 

We never had it so good - that is until we had nothing left, not even a pot to piss in.  We’ll be repaying the debt you and you boys lumbered us with for many a moon won’t we Tony? It’s obvious you believe in splashing the cash to become popular and remain so, because the public sector debt rose 82% under Labour didn’t it Tony? Which suggests you were just throwing money at problems, knowing they wouldn’t surface their ugly heads until long after you had flown the nest. 

Talking about nests, you certainly know how to feather yours don’t you, you crafty old tart.

Pocketing two million a year courtesy as your role of part-time adviser to investment bank JP Morgan is a lovely little earner. And that’s before we take into account your similar role with insurance company Zurich. Not to mention rumoured  reports that Tony Blair Associates pocketed another 27 million after being employed by Kazakhstan’s dictator, Nursultan Nazarbayev as a special adviser.

It’s all a bit rich for a former Labour Prime Minister Tony. No! scrub that, it’s filthy rich and somewhat unsavoury you grasping little toad. 

In fact, you’re so good at making money honey, you can get away with charging up to £200,000 on giving lectures and speeches around the world whilst staying free of charge at UK ambassadors official residences courtesy of the British taxpayer. 

This is an underhanded trick by anyone’s standards Tony, but for someone who’s got a property portfolio worth millions it’s diabolical. How Blair You! 

What’s more Tony, you declare yourself a religious man but in your first six years in office you  ordered British troops into battle not once, not twice, not three, not four but five times. That’s a record Tony. You’re more of a war mongerer than any other prime minister in British history. First we had Iraq in 1998 and then in 1999 it was Kosovo. In 2000 we had Sierra Leone and then in 2001 we had Afghanistan and then by 2003 it was time for Iraq again. That’s quite aggressive behaviour for a self professed man of God Tony. 

Incidentally Tony, are you aware that your initial spell TB? But you’re not a disease are you Mr Blair, well perhaps a minor plague that our country is still trying to recover from. 

So have a happy 60th birthday Billy Bliar, you’re a master of masks, a maker of history, and an enemy of truth, all in all, a perfect politician.

Iron Man 3 angers American musicians

The metal man plays the blues!

Musicians are renowned as being somewhat of a precious bunch, but why the hell are they having a pop at 'Iron Man 3' and Marvel Studios in particular? 

Because according to the American Federation of Musicians (AFM) they are taking actions that are "un-American and unfair.

The AFM have accused the comic book giants of sending film scoring outside of the USA not just for one, but for every movie they've ever produced.

Why do they do this? Well according to the union it's all about cost cutting. By hiring overseas musicians under non-union contracts and including a clause which cites that there'll be no re-use payments (residuals), pension or health benefits, the Marvel moguls save themselves a pretty penny.

And because the union have also claimed that Marvel benefits from US tax credits, AFM international president Ray Hair is not a happy bunny. "Marvel lines its pockets with taxpayer money, taking care of everyone who works on their films -- except musicians," snarled a disgruntled Mr Hair.

To make matters worse, it's also been alleged that all other personnel hired for Marvel productions are American and paid under union contracts.

So incandescent with rage are these song and dance men at the AFM, that many of their number staged a peaceful protest outside Marvel's Manhattan Beach offices in June last year because Marvel had the brassneck to score 'The Avengers' overseas.

They returned to the Marvel base recently to hand out leaflets ahead of the 'Iron Man 3' LA premiere and about 15 union members have already visited a location shoot for 'Captain America 2' to form a picket line and make their feelings known. However, it's not yet known if any of their number were carrying guitars or if any Bob Dylan or Joan Baez songs were sung.

International president of the Recording Musicians Association, Mark Sazer said, "We don't think it's fair that Captain America 2 will be scored in Europe. It should be scored here at home -- just like the acting, directing, writing, truck driving, catering, carpentering and everything else."

The union claims it has initiated repeated talks with Marvel to bring something to the table, but insists that the studio refuses to cover musicians under a union contract.

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Who knows? Perhaps it's just an open and shut case of Marvel preferring British and European musicians. I mean, given the choice between Beatlemania and Biebermania which country produced the product that's guaranteed to go the distance.

One thing's for sure, Mr Ray Hair remains angry and the music man seethed, "Marvel's actions toward professional musicians are un-American and unfair, and we want the world to know it."

The question is, will the world want to listen?

Would Wolverine be happier as an average Joe?

New Marvel movie trailers for Wolverine film suggest old Logan becomes less of a mutant and more of a man.

It's no secret that the Wolverine often takes a dim view of his immortality, after all, it must be somewhat tiresome to be the hardest dude on the block and have razor-sharp claws sprout from your hands every time you find yourself in a wee spot of bother with a stray psychopath who's overstepped the mark.

In the new Wolverine movie the disgruntled Marvel hero is offered the chance to "end his eternity" by a wealthy businessman in Japan who Logan rescues from an atomic blast.

Now while the grass is always greener, one has to wonder why the Adamantium augmented hot head that is Wolverine is so keen to take up an offer which will deny him of all his animal-keen senses, enhanced physical attributes and superhuman healing properties. The mind boggles.

After all, if most people were to ask what mutant they'd like to be for the day, the majority would say 'Wolverine.' The brooding barfly is the most popular of all the X-Men. Yet you wouldn't catch the likes of Professor Xavier banging on about his 'eternal hell' in the same way this mutant muscle Mary does.

It's very much a case of poor me, poor me, pour me another drink with Wolverine, but that's why he so longs to be a human, because deep down he's a whining malcontent like the rest of us. The only difference is Logan actually does something about his problems, and they usually end up with him kicking some serious ass.

Before he bites the bullet and embraces mortality Wolverine would do well to remember what happened to old Clark Kent in Superman II. We didn't cheer when he bathed in red Kryptonian sunlight and became a man, we sort of despised him for his weakness. But how we roared our approval when he reverses the transformation, becomes Superman and saves the universe, yet again.

So buck you ideas up dog man! The world and the popcorn munching public needs super-heroes and you're a killing machine who destroys the bad guys. You're the best at what you do and what you do isn't very nice, but it's a damn sight more entertaining than watching you being dragged around the shops of a Saturday morning with the missus whilst nursing a hangover and dreaming of being somewhere and someone else.

What's up with you bitch!

Unleash the power of your inner geek with Iron Man 3 flash drives

If you never tire of going the extra mile to annoy everyone in your office with the latest geek gadget, then perhaps it’s time to put down your Darth Vader helmet and pick up one of the latest Iron Man 3 flashdrives.

There’s nothing quite like a super hero when it comes to inspiring grown men to behave like emotionally stunted and socially retarded fantasists who think it’s acceptable to talk in strange voices whilst pretending to wield a light-saber.

Marvel movies in particular have a way of awaking the dormant geek within us all, and there are a host of companies who are ever ready to cash in on our obsessions and help us make the kingdom of the nerd just a little more nerdier. 

The team at infoThink who describe themselves a “making ideas come true” have recently announced the release of a range of flash drives which are inspired by the new Iron Man 3 movie.

Set to be released to tie in with the movie this May, there are a trio of Iron Man 3 themed flash drives in total and, take a deep breath son, here’s what you’ll get for your money. 

All of these bad boys are on the market with 8 GB or 16 GB of storage and sport a slim slide-out connector. Perhaps the most popular of the bunch will be the one shaped as Iron Man’s Repulsor glove. When this bad mother is plugged into the USB port the light at the centre of the hand glows blue, which admittedly is enough to leave any Tony Stark fan quite breathless, but just you wait all you fanboys and fangirls, it gets better, a lot better.....

Because the fingers of the aforesaid glove can be manipulated into posable gestures, it is quite an attractive and feasible  proposition to leave the glove stuck in your USB port whilst it casually gives all and sundry the one fingered salute. 

The other two flash drives are not quite as Marvel-lous but when the one shaped as the epic arc reactor chest piece is plugged in, it too lights up like a Christmas tree in a way that has been rumoured to blow people’s Spiderman socks off. 

The Iron Patriot drive is in the shape of the character’s helmet but it doesn’t appear to do a whole lot except look fierce, or should that be vacant? 

You can see the Iron Man 3 Flash drives here, but the real question is, what will you keep on yours? 

School’s Out! But the Government Wants you Back in

Meet Mr Gove! Is this a face you can trust?

Maggie Thatcher may have earned the moniker of ‘milk snatcher’ but David Cameron could go down in history as the ‘holiday snatcher’ if Education Secretary Michael Gove gets his way.

The strange looking Tory wants to consign British kids’ traditionally long school summer holidays to history so we can compete and keep pace with other countries such as China.

It also transpires that Cameron’s government have already suggested the school day could be extended to last from 7:30am to 5:30pm, which beggars belief when you consider the detrimental effect those working hours have on the personal life and mental well-being of a grown man, let alone a growing child. 

If ever evidence was needed what a bunch of rampant capitalists and two-bit shysters are ruling the roost in modern Britain then surely this latest crack brained proposal is the proof that the pudding is decidedly sour, in fact, it’s laced with cyanide. 

The crackerjack who’s in charge of our kids’ education Mr Gove declared war on our children’s well-being when he announced that the traditional long summer school holiday is a relic of the 19th century and must be consigned to history.

According to Gove, Britain's school holidays are wrong because they are still scheduled for a time when children were needed to help out on farms and most mothers stayed at home.

The opinionated sectary snarled at an education conference, “We can’t afford an education system that was essentially set in the nineteenth century.” 

The educational crusader added, “British pupils are at a 'significant handicap' compared to youngsters in East Asian nations who benefit from extra tuition and support from teachers.”

To back up their boy’s attempt to turn our kids into little more than industrialised drones whose life from the cradle to the grave is sworn to the service of making the fat cats fatter, a Whitehall source added, “We can either start working as hard as the Chinese, or we'll all soon be working for the Chinese.”

So there you have, those long languid Summers you spent outdoors in the company of friends and family as free as a bird and as high as a honey bee will, if the men in suits and dark corridors get their way, be consigned to oblivion. 

In it’s place will be endless claustrophobic hours spent in a poorly ventilated and poorly lit classroom as some professor of pontification spouts endless drivel about meaningless trite. 

Those Summer holidays where you can smell, touch, taste, hear and feel the very essence of life, will be replaced by a constant bombardment of your sense by facts, figures, and fabricated fancy which has the sole aim of making you a more productive worker, a sedated citizen and an avid consumer. All in all just another brick in the wall which obscures anything of real value. 

What those dozy dopes in government fail to realise is, education is like everything else. It’s all about quality, not quantity. It’s a large number of teachers and the trite they teach which is failing our kids, not the limited hours they have to fill their pupil’s heads with it. 

It’s almost as if Gove and his cronies want our kids putting in longer hours at the coal face of the curriculum so they’ll suffer from a bad dose of information overload. You fill someone’s head with enough junk and work them to the point of exhaustion then they’ll no longer think for themselves because they’ve got bloat of the brain and it’s all just too strenuous. 

It appears at the heart of these imbecilic proposals is a scant regard for our kids who these cretins seemingly view as little more than tools of production which are not being utilised enough to make the economy go boom with a bang. 

What ever happened to learning for the pure love of learning? Now it’s all tailored to getting a job and making as much filthy cash as possible. 

Children live in the moment and learn best when they are engaged and excited about something which means something to them. Sitting at a desk for long hours and wading through hours of wearisome waffle will just foster ennui and generate nothing buy mental stagnation. 

As the man Alice said Mr Gove, when August rolls around like a lazy old sun, “School’s out!” And no amount of bureaucratic proposals and cracking of the whip will make the kids go back in.

And aint nothing gonna change that Great British tradition - not even all the tea in China. 

The Gory Tories, a High Maintenance Queen and the Lords of Avarice

It’s a taxing situation sir! 

Despite what the third-rate snake oil salesman David Cameron would have you believe, we’re not all in this together. No sir! Most of us are knee-deep in the shit and it’s only a select few who are serving up the sandwiches. 

Anyone who had the grave displeasure of witnessing a contemptuous Cameron pouring all the haughty disdain he learned in the desolate dormitories of Eton over David Dimbleby, when the veteran presenter quite reasonably asked if using ten million of taxpayers was a tad excessive in regard to burying Thatcher, would have realised there and then just what the word ‘democracy’ means to a dog called Dave.

The aggressive Cameron reacted like Dimbleby was attempting to rape God rather than voicing the concerns of the majority of British people, who when struggling to make ends meet see it as a bit rich, or quite a lot rich, that a dead millionaire who viewed privitisation as akin to a religion was given a state funeral at the public’s expense. 

I am the resurrection!

For a British Prime Minister to so vigorously defend the right for Maggie to have a right rare send off whilst flippantly dismissing any counter argument as nothing more than the petty protests of the rabble is not the behaviour of an elected democratic leader, it’s the behavior of an over privelleged elitist toff and tin-pot tyrant who fails to understand the concerns of the ‘ruled.’

There’s no greengrocer’s daughters in today’s cabinet but there’s a lot of millionaires and a lot of hypocritical, pompous and spineless clowns who are having a right old knees up at our expense whilst endlessly pontificating on about how we’re all in it together, but just a casual look around will tell you that isn’t the case at all. 

Putting the gory Tories and their corrupt ways aside, much like a soiled nappy, for one moment. let’s take a little look at a couple of examples that hit the headlines, or rather were buried behind Kim Kardashian and Pippa Middleton’s butt, earlier this year and which succinctly demonstrate that Britain is a country where the gap between the rich and poor has now become an abyss which Cameron and company appear to be doing their level best to preserve. But just you remember plebs, we’re all in this together!

If you’ve got a job can you remember when you last received a pay-rise? The Queen can, she gets one every year but this year was certainly one to remember. Because old ma Windsor has received a £5 million extra in taxpayer’s money to carry our her official duties. 

That’s right, £5 million! Which is a lot of money for any one person to have for nothing, especially in the worst recession in living memory. Remember we live in a time when people are counting every penny and going both cold and hungry as they bury themselves deeper in debt as our superiors attempt to boldly navigate the way out of the double dip by fleecing the peasants and eating all the cake. 

Just look at all those poor people!

This juicy little nugget of information about Her Majesty appeared in the Daily Mail on April 2. There didn’t seem to be a whole lot fuss about the Sovereign Grant as it’s ironically called. And compared with what sort of gloves Justin Bieber is wearing and who is the most fancied in One Direction it probably pales into insignificance, but it’s definitely something which a government that apparently represents the sovereign rule of the people should be questioning with something along the lines of, “Hang on a minute isn’t this taking the piss just a little too much! Even for us blue-blooded Tory half-wits!”

But then again Cameron is a distant cousin of the Queen so perhaps it all makes some kind of crooked sense in a remote corner of the conspiracy theory galaxy.

Talking about conspiracy theories, have you heard the one about the fat cats in the House of Lords feasting on lavish three-course meals to the tune of £60,000 a week in taxpayers money? No! Well maybe you should. 

The Daily Mirror reported on February 2 that the  760 Lords, bishops, baronesses and other blubber merchants who idle their hours way in the ‘Upper House’ feasting, fighting and farting in no particular order, are wining and dining at our expense to a tune of £1.3 million a year. 

The maths have been done and it’s been worked out that each and every one of these aristocratic noblemen are benefiting from an £84 grant each week to fill their faces with truffles, snails, puppy dog tails and perhaps, but it’s highly unlikely, KFC buckets. 

Abandon hope all ye who enter here!

That £84 a week is probably a paltry sum to the excessive amount of multi-millionaires who dwell in the Lords, but it’s worth bearing in mind it’s £13 more than Jobseeker’s Allowance for the unemployed. It’s also a welcome bonus on top of the £300-a-day “subsistence” given to peers each day they attend the ‘upper house’. 

And where most families throughout this green and pleasant land are forced to make every penny count by eating horse meat burgers and drinking nothing but tap water, the good old Mirror also revealed that the Lords have spent a whopping quarter of a million pounds on champagne and vintage wine. Cheers! 

With Dave the rave looking to fill even more benches with loyal Tories who enjoy lording it over the rest of us, the situation is only going to get worse, but not for them, so it doesn’t really matter.

So there you have it folks. Thatcher’s funeral, the Queen’s pay rise and the Lords buffet, just three examples amongst many of where this government is redirecting the money you earn every hour of every day of every month of every year in a job you most probably don’t want to do and one that pays you a pittance in the first place. 

And in case you’re in any doubt as to wether your nose is being well and truly rubbed into the Tory trough here’s an eye-opener for you. Tighten you belts everyone! In 2011, David “I’ve got the stomach to make the necessary cuts” Cameron splashed out £700,000 of taxpayers’ cash to revamp Downing Street. Kind of puts the spare bedroom tax into perspective doesn't it? 

Yet in all of this inequity and inequality the one burning question remains, as posed by the noble truth-seekers over at the Daily Mail - Did Katherine Jenkins go far too low at Baroness Thatcher's funeral? You decide!