School’s Out! But the Government Wants you Back in

Meet Mr Gove! Is this a face you can trust?

Maggie Thatcher may have earned the moniker of ‘milk snatcher’ but David Cameron could go down in history as the ‘holiday snatcher’ if Education Secretary Michael Gove gets his way.

The strange looking Tory wants to consign British kids’ traditionally long school summer holidays to history so we can compete and keep pace with other countries such as China.

It also transpires that Cameron’s government have already suggested the school day could be extended to last from 7:30am to 5:30pm, which beggars belief when you consider the detrimental effect those working hours have on the personal life and mental well-being of a grown man, let alone a growing child. 

If ever evidence was needed what a bunch of rampant capitalists and two-bit shysters are ruling the roost in modern Britain then surely this latest crack brained proposal is the proof that the pudding is decidedly sour, in fact, it’s laced with cyanide. 

The crackerjack who’s in charge of our kids’ education Mr Gove declared war on our children’s well-being when he announced that the traditional long summer school holiday is a relic of the 19th century and must be consigned to history.

According to Gove, Britain's school holidays are wrong because they are still scheduled for a time when children were needed to help out on farms and most mothers stayed at home.

The opinionated sectary snarled at an education conference, “We can’t afford an education system that was essentially set in the nineteenth century.” 

The educational crusader added, “British pupils are at a 'significant handicap' compared to youngsters in East Asian nations who benefit from extra tuition and support from teachers.”

To back up their boy’s attempt to turn our kids into little more than industrialised drones whose life from the cradle to the grave is sworn to the service of making the fat cats fatter, a Whitehall source added, “We can either start working as hard as the Chinese, or we'll all soon be working for the Chinese.”

So there you have, those long languid Summers you spent outdoors in the company of friends and family as free as a bird and as high as a honey bee will, if the men in suits and dark corridors get their way, be consigned to oblivion. 

In it’s place will be endless claustrophobic hours spent in a poorly ventilated and poorly lit classroom as some professor of pontification spouts endless drivel about meaningless trite. 

Those Summer holidays where you can smell, touch, taste, hear and feel the very essence of life, will be replaced by a constant bombardment of your sense by facts, figures, and fabricated fancy which has the sole aim of making you a more productive worker, a sedated citizen and an avid consumer. All in all just another brick in the wall which obscures anything of real value. 

What those dozy dopes in government fail to realise is, education is like everything else. It’s all about quality, not quantity. It’s a large number of teachers and the trite they teach which is failing our kids, not the limited hours they have to fill their pupil’s heads with it. 

It’s almost as if Gove and his cronies want our kids putting in longer hours at the coal face of the curriculum so they’ll suffer from a bad dose of information overload. You fill someone’s head with enough junk and work them to the point of exhaustion then they’ll no longer think for themselves because they’ve got bloat of the brain and it’s all just too strenuous. 

It appears at the heart of these imbecilic proposals is a scant regard for our kids who these cretins seemingly view as little more than tools of production which are not being utilised enough to make the economy go boom with a bang. 

What ever happened to learning for the pure love of learning? Now it’s all tailored to getting a job and making as much filthy cash as possible. 

Children live in the moment and learn best when they are engaged and excited about something which means something to them. Sitting at a desk for long hours and wading through hours of wearisome waffle will just foster ennui and generate nothing buy mental stagnation. 

As the man Alice said Mr Gove, when August rolls around like a lazy old sun, “School’s out!” And no amount of bureaucratic proposals and cracking of the whip will make the kids go back in.

And aint nothing gonna change that Great British tradition - not even all the tea in China.