The news that Amber Heard has filed for a divorce from Johnny Depp over “irreconcilable differences” has many fans of the talented thespian worried that “our John” might just walk slap-bang into a full-blown midlife crisis, if indeed he’s not caught in the mother of ones already.
It’s been a while since Depp captured the nation’s attention as a gormless bug-eyed and slightly camp irritant in Edward Scissorhands. Since that groundbreaking and vulgar display of self-indulgent over-acting, which made grown women weep and dry-eyed men vomit copious amounts of blood, Depp has amassed a small fortune as a smokes and mirrors kind of guy who excels in playing the weird, wonderful, and outright annoying.
With a net worth of $400 million, Johnny had done all right out of playing dress-up and pretend, but here’s the rub: Although he’d only been married to Amber Heard for 15 months before it all went pear-shaped, it’s been reported that the two stars did not get a prenuptial agreement before they tied the knot.
So, in theory, Amber’s “irreconcilable differences” could see her laying claim to half of what Depp owns, and that’s a lot of potatoes.
Yet, it’s not really the loss of half of his immense wealth that has Depp fans so concerned for their hero, it’s what another failed relationship will do to both Johnny’s mindset and, more importantly, his career.
Although he’s never come outright and confessed to having a midlife crisis, the signs of Depp’s tortured anguish in regard to his advancing years and the ravages of time have been visible for a long time now for those who have the eyes to see.
The rot probably set in around about the time Johnny appeared as a vampire in Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows.
In Dark Shadows, a 48-year-old Depp plays a vampire called Barnabas Collins, who looks like a really irritating and sly Frodo Baggins after the ring of Sauron has gone to town on his lame hobbit butt.
Sadly, Depp’s performance was derided by film critics, as they called out his portrayal of a vampire as being quite lifeless.
At the time, the Detroit News asked, “How bad is ‘Dark Shadows. It makes you long for a Twilight movie, and that’s bad.”
As events unfolded, it would prove a very poignant point. Prior to the release of Dark Shadows, Depp has appeared to insult fellow thespian’s Robert Pattinson’s romantic portrayal as a blood-drinking monster in the Twilight movies, by snarling, “Vampires shouldn’t look like underwear models.”
Many at the time felt that Depp’s character assassination of poor Pattinson’s acting abilities and chiseled features seemed to reek of the doubt and despair of a man faced with a midlife crisis.
Had Depp become a bit like a half-crazed and badly nourished grizzly bear prowling angrily around the woods he once ruled but whose kingship was now threatened by the arrival of fitter and younger bears?
Did a wounded and terrified Johnny Depp, isolated in his own overwhelming paranoia and monstrous ego, lash out at those he perceived as a threat, only to decide somewhat bizarrely that making a lame vampire film was the best means of retaliation?
We could only guess, but although Depp is no stranger to pretension, his next role as Tonto in The Lone Ranger movie exceeded even his own rarefied standards of making sensible god-fearing people squirm with embarrassment and ask the question, “Is Johnny having a nervous breakdown?”
As yet another picture of Johnny-come-lately in fancy dress and make-up with what appeared to be a dead crow on his head was released to promote yet another daring, innovative, and quirky artistic Depp movie, you could almost hear the world softly sigh to itself in resigned despair, “Oh Christ! He’s at it again!”
Promotional pictures released ahead of the film’s release revealed Depp looking like a disturbing cross between a lunatic auditioning for the role of Ace Frehley in a KISS tribute band and Jack Sparrow in Native American disguise.
It didn’t bode well for the future, and when in November 2014 Johnny Depp shuffled onto the stage at the Hollywood Film Awards like a theatrical tramp and started to deliver the sort of speech one would expect from a punch-drunk boxer or slightly camp alcoholic, it wasn’t long before Twitter was ablaze with rumors about Depp’s condition.
Concerned fans of the suavely dressed ragamuffin asked at the time, can Depp’s behavior be merely a warning that the troubled actor has fallen off the wagon and is back on the sauce, or is it indicative of a deeper, darker, and more universal problem that plagues every Hollywood veteran who wakes up one fine morning to find their skin is a little looser, their belly a little fuller, their eyes a little more hollow, their hair a little thinner, their energy a little more diminished, their talents a little less robust, their reputation a little more tarnished, and their credibility shot to hell.
Many of Depp’s closest disciples would probably admit that Johnny hasn’t been on top of his game for many a moon. Are his glory days behind him, one wonders? Does Depp view his past conquests from the rearview mirror of his advancing years with all the raging impotence of the middle-aged driver?
In Hollywood terms, Depp is now considered something of an old grizzled man of the woods who’s running on empty. He’s no fresh-faced young sharp-shooter anymore with the luck of an angel and the dare of a demon. He’s less of a mercurial maverick and more of an established entertainer, and even though Depp is more Pat Garrett than Billy the Kid these days, can the pirate prince accept his mortality, or has a lifetime making a buck out of pretending to be other people going to be Depp’s downfall?
One would hope that Depp could escape the hell and horror of a midlife meltdown by accepting that he is no longer the Peter Pan product of yesteryear, and instead choose to embrace the comfort of sensible shoes, practical coats, the importance of vitamin supplements, and the camaraderie of the golf club.
Yet, when you’re regarded as a swashbuckling lush who always wins the day, it’s not always easy to ask yourself, “Am I actually acting like someone’s embarrassing drunken uncle at a wedding reception right now?”
When someone of the calibre of Piers Morgan decides to have a pop on twitter by tweeting, “Is it just me that thinks Johnny Depp is a complete d**khead,” you know you’re in trouble.
Alone and abandoned by his younger wife, one fears that a savage midlife meltdown is just around the corner for Johnny. Or perhaps it’s already began?
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