Now that Simon Cowell has given Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones and Paula Abdul their marching orders, who would be the most unlikely candidates to fill their seats on the US version of X Factor?
It may be a classic case of "small man syndrome" or perhaps Simon Cowell is simply showing everyone who really wears the high-waisted trousers, but the naughty Napoleon of the music world has been doing a lot of firing lately and very little hiring.
In an attempt to revamp and reinvigorate the US version of the X Factor, a merciless Cowell has been wielding his axe and clearing out the dead wood. Apparently 49-year-old Paula Abdul was 'very gracious' when given the boot but Nicole Scherzinger was 'disappointed at being discarded a bit like an unloved rag doll.
With just LA Reid and Cowell remaining on the judge's panel, anticipation to see who will join them in the hot-seats is at an all-time high . During a recent interview on entertainment show Extra , Cowell dispelled rumours that he offered Beyonce $100 million to be on the next series. He also added that Elton John is "absolutely not being considered" because he would be "really difficult to work with." Madonna apparently would be "Great", and Kate Perry would be "fun, hard, and feisty." However there are a handful of singers who we can safely say would never be approached to become a judge on X-Factor in a month of Sundays. Let's find out who!
Morrissey: "What difference does it make?"
The Machiavellian Mancunian may be a living legend and best-selling artist who has a huge cult following around the globe, but he is currently without a recording contract and involved in court cases with the NME. The reason? The man's a genuine artist with the sort of integrity that money men like Cowell despise. Mozza's legendary contempt for almost anything slightly human is a force to behold and his withering wit and scorching scorn would make Simon Cowell seem like an amateur in comparison. Years before shows like the X-Factor existed, Morrissey already had enjoyed a host of nasty experiences with Cowell like figures when he was lead singer in The Smiths. In fact he wrote a song about it called "Paint A Vulgar Picture", which describes a record company meeting of 'sycophantic slags' discussing how to best cash in on a dead star. It's not hard to see why Morrissey would never cut the mustard as an X-Factor judge.
Axl Rose: "Welcome to the jungle!"
The flame-headed screaming banshee that is Axl Rose turned 50 this month but although age may have mellowed the Guns N' Roses singer somewhat, his volcanic and legendary rage is still bubbling away beneath his bandanna, threatening to spill over and create a big bloody mess.
Any would be rock-stars who dared to murder 'Sweet Child O' Mine' or any other hard rock staple in Axl's judgmental presence would probably end up being throttled by the short-fused and precious ginger-haired rock god, and it would take a lot more than SImon Cowell throwing a glass of water in this bad bastard's face to cool him off.
Lou Reed: "Everybody had to pay and pay"
Trying to emotively warble your way through a Westlife song whilst being stared at dispassionately by the fish-eyed, thin-lipped, and acid-tounged Lou Reed would be a slightly unsettling experience to say the least. The former Velvet Underground singer from New York's mean streets is a former alcoholic and drug-addict and no stranger to the darkest depths of depravity, but the thought of Simon Cowell's prodigy Susan Boyle covering his song 'Perfect Day' on America's Got Talent was just too much for little Lou. So he famously prevented her from doing so at the very last minute. As you can imagine, if Reed is capable of snubbing and reducing such genuine talents as Boyle to tears, God alone knows what outrages he would inflict upon young hopefuls making their first tentative steps on the X-Factor freak-show.
John Lydon: "Anger is an energy!"
When he's not busy trying to convince us to eat more butter, the former Sex Pistol front-man loves to criticise everyone and anyone. More judgmental than God, Lydon could start a fight with his own reflection. Consequently, the X-Factor environment, full of teary-eyed teens and sensitive singing souls, would provide such a man-beast, very fertile ground to sow his potent seeds of discord and upset. Although Lydon, like Cowell, can be sinisterly camp and play the part of pantomime villain to perfection, he differs from the X-Factor judge in that he appears to actually like music and believes in originality. So I'm sorry Johnny dear but it's a no!
Liam Gallagher: "Don't ever be denied"
Since Oasis fell apart, little Liam has been desperately trying to return to the limelight in any shape or form. No doubt the beady eyes of the supersonic singer would light up in monkey-like wonder if Cowell ever offered the diminutive brawler a chance to judge lesser talents on the stateside version of X-Factor. Unfortunately, American audiences would probably struggle to decipher the guttural Northern tongue and strange ways of the basin-headed Brit popper, so it looks like Gallagher junior will have to carry on hoping from a call from his brother Noel with "some exciting news for you about our comeback our kid."
